Remind Me Again Why I Love You?
by Hobbits-are-Forthewin
Summary: This is really just a HUGE parody that abbylover18 and I made up one night at a sleepover we had. Legolas and Pippin are still guys, but, Merry and Aragorn have been changed to girls. Umm...other than that, I guess enjoy. Hopefully you'll laugh a bit too.
1. Why We Love You Supposedly

The day in the in the house of chaos began like any other normal day, well as normal as it can get in a house full of crazies… with bantering of course!

As a bit of information, Aragorn and Legolas have been together since the 9th grade. They moved in together when they first went off to college, MIT, one becoming a robotic engineer and the other a mathematic analyst. They now live with their BESTEST friends (Pippin and Merry) and are living happily ever after… sort of. Merry and Pippin have been together since Merry was in 10th grade and Pippin a freshman in college. They SUFFERED through their first year of dating long-distance, then Pippin moved back to be with Merry while still continuing his education. Pippin is a market analyst, and loves his job. Merry is an invasive cardiovascular technologist…basically a lot of heart and blood stuff. She loves it. Sadistic little hobbit. Anyway….to the story!!! ^___________________________^

*Aragorn and Legolas' alarm clock shrieks loudly*

Aragorn: *smacks her partner*Legolas…turn off the damn alarm clock…

Legolas: *rolls over onto his other side, groaning*Make me! It's only freaking 6:00 in the morning!

Aragorn: *smacks him again*Just do it!

Legolas: Alright, alright….fiiiiine. *turns off the clock*Now go get ready for work.

*Aragorn sits up, unhappy that she has to be up this damn early… but knowing that once she gets to work with her calculator and equations, her nerdyness would take over and dominate her morning mood*

Aragorn: Leggy, make the coffee… please?

Legolas: NO

Aragorn: I SAID PLEASE GOD DAMN IT!

Legolas: Geez…how do Pippin and Merry NOT wake up to this???? AND NO, MAKE ME!!!!!

Aragorn: I know that Merry puts ear-plugs in… cause of Pippin's snoring… so she is all good… and Pippin just sleeps… like you! And just make the DAMN coffee… please… J

Legolas: Fiiiiinnnnneeeee I'll make the stupid freaking coffee… but I'm gunna drink some!

Aragorn: way to show me!

Mean while in the room down the hall, the Hobbit side of the well-sized apartment, Merry and Pippin were bantering themselves.

Pippin: Goddammit, woman, why do you always win?!

Merry: Because, Pip, I'm the woman. I have power. Deal. With. It.

Pippin:…..I don't wanna. So…does this REALLY mean that I have to do the dishes tonight? AGAIN?!

Merry: If you didn't fail so hardcore at rock-paper-scissors, you wouldn't have this problem….retard.

Pippin: I LIKE POTATOES!!!!

Merry: *smacks him the back of the head. Hard.* Stupid! There's still people trying to sleep!!!

Pippin: *Grins*You hitting me is still you touching me…..

Merry: No, fag, it isn't.

Pippin and Merry suddenly stop to hear Legolas and Aragorn bantering on the other side of the apartment. Loudly. Only able to make out the words "COFFEE" and "MAKE ME!!!", knowing that Aragorn is trying to get Legolas to do her ONE small favor, and both start giggling.

Pippin: You were saying?

Merry: That you're a fag?

Pippin: Damn. Thought I was gonna get you on that one….you're good ^^

Merry: Damn right I am. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have icky scrubs to go change into. *walks out on him before he can retort or make a comment about wanting to help*

Pippin: ……Aaaaawwwww….I wanted to HELP, DAMMIT!

Merry: SHUT UP. Work comes before sex, moron!

Pippin: …….Fiiiiiiiiiiiine. Mean lady. *lays back down, now cranky….he hates mornings*

Aragorn: DAMMIT, LEGOLAS!!!!…..You didn't put the right filter in….now the coffee's gonna suck…..and where's my creamer?! Did you use it all again?! *grabs a can from the cupboard*….Oh. Found it ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Legolas: Your mom!!!

Aragorn: My mom is old, bitchy, and still lives with Ali and Zoe.

Legolas: Yeah. I think Ben failed enough to move in with Faith. This filter? *holds up another package, then suddenly starts giggling*I think Pippin just got told ^^

Aragorn: *gives evil glare*You're not getting any, either, mister. You misbehaved.

Legolas: *puppy dog face*What'd I dooooo?

Aragorn: You FUCKED UP my coffee, dear.

Legolas: But but but…. I DIDN'T MEAN IT!!! I'm sorry! How can I make it up to you?

Aragorn: use your lunch break to bring me lunch? I would LOVE that… ^^

Legolas: Anything for you dear!!

Aragorn walks out of the room to make sure that she has everything for work, hoping that she will have a new case, but ends up running into Merry and talking about those damn boys. By this time Pippin has given up trying to go back to sleep and walked out to the kitchen to find some numnums (cause Merry says he's a fag)

Pippin: *mocks Legolas in a voice much too high but gives the right effect* Anything for you dear

Legolas: FUCK YOU!

Pippin: Ummm…. Thanks for the offer… but I'm much too tired right now. Maybe later

Legolas: I wasn't offering *funny eye twitch thingy* but now that you've got me thinking about it… ^^

Pippin: EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW! FAG!

Legolas: I was kidding… but what's up with those Damn girls flaunting it around the fucking house and then telling us no!?!

Pippin: Frustertating women!

Legolas: LOMH

Pippin: So where's the food?

Legolas: nothing good. Aragorn is on this new food thing were she only eats like… I don't know… shit… and stuff… but now there's like NOTHING to eat…

Pippin: damn those girls and their obsession with their weight

Aragorn: YOUR MOM! We cant help it…Hey YOU'RE the one who has taken Merry to the Doctor's to make sure that she eats… just because you two are fucking PIGS doesn't mean that the rest of the world is!!

Legolas: OMG No! this guy that I work with is like SOOO fat! He cant do like ANYTHING to work on the new robot… and he isn't even smart! So its not like he is helping with the programming! And its not even that hard… I mean if I, of all people, can program a robot… kinda… then so can this fatt lard! So come on honey… you cant me fat… you don't look like him…

Aragorn runns off crying because her boyfriend just said that she was fat… she just didn't really look like it.. BASTARD!!

Merry: *slaps Legolas in the face*WTF, DUDE?!!!!!!

Legolas: WTF, DUDE?!

Merry:….You just repeated exactly what I just did.

Legolas: No! I repeated ALMOST exactly what you just did, except you'd kick my ass, so I'm not gonna slap you in the face.

Pippin: Good choice.

Merry: You need to go apologize to Aragorn, smart one.

Legolas: Why? She's fine.

Merry: *EPIC BACK-OF-THE-HEAD-SLAP*

Legolas: OW!!! That one actually HURT!!!!

Merry: Good! Now go apologize for insinuating fat-size!!!

Legolas: FIIIIIIIIIINE! *goes after Aragorn*

Aragorn was sitting in the corner where she always goes when her emotions are being a bitch…. She is there so much she now has a bean-bag chair in her favorite spot, along with Legolas' favorite sweatshirt…. But that's another story

Legolas: *walks over to Aragorn and wraps his arms around her like he has been doing for years* I love you

Aragorn: I know…. Its just that… I don't know… I just feel like when people see us… they look and see this amazing looking guy. I mean this guy is great! And then they see that there is just a thing attached to his hand… and every person thinks "why is such a hott guy like that with such an ugly girl like her?". It just kills me… I feel like I'm holding you back… and I hate that feeling….

Legolas: What you don't know is that all of those stupid girls are just heartless bitches… and then there are the guys in the world… they look down the street and see the most BEAUTIFUL girl. I mean this chick is like instant Goddess. And that's all they see… they don't even want to think of the guy that she is latched onto because it will just make the desire for that women that much stronger… do you get what I mean?

Aragorn: I love you! *looks up and kisses her Leggy!!*

Legolas becomes lost in the kiss… smiling even though he knows that it makes the contact that much harder.

Merry nocks on the door…softly at first… then more loudly as she becomes irritated by not being listened to. When they still do not answer Merry lets herself into the room to tell them that Aragorn is going to be late if she doesn't hurry her ass up! What she sees makes her giggle a bit. Aragorn must have been in her corner when Legolas had joined her because they were now CLEARLY making out on the large bean-bag.

Merry: ARAGORN!!!!!

Pippin: *walks in beside her*GO, LEGGY!!!!

*Aragorn and Leggy immediately separate, Legolas glaring daggers at Pippin, who is grinning, and Aragorn shooting death glances (while blushing brightly) at Merry*

Merry: 'Mon, Arrie, we're gonna be late if you don't hurry your making-out-ass-up.

Aragorn: Fuck you! *flips her off*

Merry: Right back at you, dear. *flips her back off*

Pippin: *flailing arms* Me too?!

Merry: No, hun, not now….maybe later. But you already suck at rock-paper-scissors, so this game might be too much for you…actually, now that I think about it, you WOULD lose this game.

Pippin: FUCK.

Legolas: GODDAMMIT. *sits up on the beanbag*I just lost the game!!!!!

Aragorn:….I hate you, Merry.

Merry: *shrugs*Working-time! ^^ *all head off to work*

Merry and Aragorn traipse into the house utterly EXAUSTED! Working a full day was a bitch and a half. Both women knew that they boys would already be home and most likely had been there for like 3 hours… damn them and their 9-5 jobs… then there are the women, who work til there aren't anymore cases on their desks… but they knew that they loved it…

Aragorn: Leggy, where is the ice-cream?

Legolas: don't got non… why?

Aragorn: way to phail at English there hun… and cause I want to EAT SOME DAMN ICECREAM!

Merry: *yells from her newly found perch on the arm of the couch next to Pip* EAT IT!!

Aragorn: I WANT TO!!!!

*Pippin and Legolas laugh there skinny little asses off*

Aragorn: PISS OFF, MERRY! *comes into the living room, giving up on her ice-cream search, and plops down on the other couch.* Leggy, I'm tired…go get a bath ready for me.

Legolas: Only if I can join you.

Aragorn:…..*dead silence*

Pippin: Hmmmmm, sounds like fun…Merry?

Merry: No.

Pippin: Pleeeeaaaase?

Merry: No, faggit. You're supposed to give me a massage tonight, though, remember?

Pippin: No, but okay ^^

Merry: Compression shorts, buddy.

Pippin: I don't wanna!!!!!

Legolas: *laughs hysterically*Compression shorts are for squares!!!!….I'm a triangle, so I don't even wear shorts!

Pippin and Merry: TMI, TMI!!!!!!

Aragorn:….True story….sadly. Or is it? ^_~ *leans over and kisses him*

Legolas: *pouts*

Aragorn: Aw, Leggy, you know we love you. *pets him*

Merry: Pippin, my shoulders hurt….

Pippin: Fine, but I expect a LONG make-out session after.

Merry: Fine, I don't have to work tomorrow. ^^

Pippin: *grins and picks her up and carries her off*

Aragorn: ya know… that sounds like a good Idea to me… we could skip a bath… just take a shower…. Like… tomorrow morningish time…cause I have tomorrow off too!!

Legolas: *pouts…* but that means that I have to do something… if we take a bath… we just have fun!!

Aragorn: MAN UP! Grow some balls, dear!…. Now please!!!

Legolas: *sighs* fine! But… I agree with Pippin… I'm not gunna do it for free!!

Aragorn: well what do you want in payment? *grins at him in a way that no other person will ever see*

Legolas: Let's cross that bridge when we get there… ok?

Aragorn: as long as we start this sometime soon!!

Legolas picks up Aragorn (much to her complaint that she was MUCH too heavy for him) and they head off into their room… NIGHTY NIGHT!!


	2. Women Are Smarter, It Seems

The next morning…..

Merry wakes up slowly, head lying on Pippin's chest. She stretches up a little to check on Pip; he is still sleeping soundly--the lazy faggot--but she smiles and kisses him before she snuggles closer to him, slowly sinking back into sleep.

Aragorn is soundly asleep in Legolas' arms, who is lazily watching her sleep. He brushes some of the stray hairs away from her eyes and kisses her eyelids, then lips before settling back down beside her and closing his eyes again, holding her closer than before.

A few hours later….

Aragorn wakes up to loud voices… knowing that she SHOULD go and see what the hell they are fighting about NOW…. But she just rolls over and tries to fall back asleep, but phails without the firm chest that she normally uses as pillow. "Damn you Leggy!!" Aragorn thought to herself. Much to her distaste Aragorn rose out of bed to see what the two stupid Nincompoops were up to now.

Merry woke with a bit of a start, as she rolled over about to cuddle back into Pip, she realized that it was him that was missing… maybe that was why she had woken with such a start… that dream… she didn't even want to think about it… wiping the sleep from her eyes Merry was on her way to the bathroom when she heard "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!!!" "NO YOU LITTLE BITCH!! GIVE ME THE REMOTE BACK!!" "I WAS AWAKE FIRST!!" "NO YOU WASN'T!!! I JUST GOT OUT OF BED WHEN I HEARD YOU GET UP!! BUT I WAS AWAKE FIRST!!" "LIER!! YOU JUST WANT TO SOUND BETTER! YOU'RE TRYING TO HARD…. Leggy!" "OH NO YOU DIDN'T!!! YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING FAG!! GOD I HATE YOU!!… Pip!!"… there was a moment of quiet… THANK GOD!!

Merry and Aragorn met in the hall… looking at each other all they could do was roll their eyes and shrug.

Aragorn: Boys, boys, boys!! What happened this time?

Legolas: PIPPIN HIT ME!!!

Pippin: Legolas Invaded my personal bubble!!

Legolas: Yeah only cause you Fucking turned off the Beatles!!! You KNOW that I cant wake up properly on a Saturday without them!!

Merry: What a bunch of fags… remind me why I love you children again?

Aragorn: no clue… I was just asking myself the same thing… Why God? WHY!?!?

Pippin:…It's still Legolas' fault!

Merry: I don't care! You're being a six-year-old!

Pippin: I'm six-and-a-half! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! GET IT RIGHT!

Merry: DON'T MAKE ME YELL BACK AT YOU!!!!

Pippin: Sorry honey. I love you ^^

Merry: That's what I thought. Now give Legolas the remote back and we can go out for *whispers so Legolas doesn't hear* donuts.

Legolas: What'd you say?! What'd she just say?! Why didn't you say it out loud?! Did you just say a NAUGHTY thing?!!!! I WANT A NAUGHTY THING!!!!!!!!!

Aragorn: *smacks him in the back of the head*NO! Hush, child, HUSH.

Merry: Legolas, you ARE a dirty thing.

Pippin:….Dirty things?

Merry: Fu--Go to hell.

Pippin: I don't like your mom, though!

Merry: I don't like yours!

Legolas: I don't like my mom!!!

Pippin and Merry:……..

Aragorn: I love my mom! ^^

Pippin: Your mom's pretty cool.

Merry: She's friggen amazing ^^

Legolas: Damn right ^^

Later that day, as all four tour the shopping mall….

Kelly: OMG did you see that chick? Did you see here Hair?!?! I KNOW!!! She looks like a total cutter!!

Steph: And her BOYFRIEND!! What a fag… I mean like… he looks like he takes it in the ass…

Kelly: And the blonde one… what a HOTTIE!! I mean those eyes…

Steph was quiet because she didn't want to tell one of her best friends that she had asked the boy out… and he had declined… all because of that Nerdy BITCH! I mean… she wasn't even pretty…. Why?

Kelly: But then again… the other one… he is kinda hot… I mean… for a fucking communist!

Steph just nodded… she had just seen the bitches they were talking about… Steph pointed them out to her friend… there they were… all 4 of them… she couldn't help but wonder if they had an orgy… I mean how can you be that close and NOT be having great sex?

Aragorn: Leggy! Did you SEE that AMAZING old school graphing calculator?!?! I bet you it had like Tetris and shit on it!! THAT IS SOO COOL!!!

Legolas made a mental note to go back to that store later that week when Arrie was at work… she would LOVE it. That was when he saw her… that chick that was like OBSESSED with him… she had followed him to his classes for like a month… but Arrie didn't know… how could her tell her? Yeah right… that would be a great conversation… "hey hun! Yeah today that girl that you cant STAND in your basics class? Yeah she has been following me… and today she tried to get me to have sex with her… but don't worry!" NOT! She would go on another one of her Bitch hunt!! And honestly… that's the last thing she needed… she was stressed enough as it was.

Merry: Pippin! Catch! *fake-throws one of her awesome new ninja-stars at him*

Pippin: Fuck! Crazy bitch!….I love you ^^ *kisses her, then traps the little redhead around the waist*

Kelly, now taking a severe interest in Pippin, glares daggers at Merry, then looks up at Pip almost desperately. She hated to see him with HER, of all people. She was one of those nasty, horrible cutter-people, and probably threatened him with suicide for if he ever left her, which was the only reason he was still with her. She couldn't STAND people like that.

Laughing as Pippin lightly tickled at her sides and making a weak fight back, Merry caught eyes with a taller, thin, brunette girl with green eyes. She thought she may have recognized the girl, then her eyes widened when she realized that they went to high school together. Kelly Ley…god, what an awful cunt, as Merry would always so bluntly put it, that she had been. She had TORMENTED Merry through HS.

Merry: I'm on the attack….*sings this like the lyrics to some obscure alternative song that Pip would not recognize*

Pippin: What?

Aragorn: *hastily*Never mind, dear. You know how she is when she gets songs stuck in her head.

Pippin: Yeah, I guess….*rests his chin--mini-stooping--on Merry's shoulder*So, Legolas, want some caffeine?

Legolas: HELLS TO THE YES!!!…IF it starts with "Mountain" and ends with "Dew".

Pippin: Well fuck yeah it's gonna start with "Mountain" and end with "Dew"!

Legolas: Kickass!!! *both run off*

Aragorn: so Merry, about this attack? *walking slower then the CRAZY HYPER boys… and not a 30STM attack… that would be EIPC!!*

Merry: Tall, Skinny, Bitchy, brunette, bitchy, BIG eyes, bitchy… oh and did I mention BITCHY!

Even the think-headed boys heard That one… Pippin turned around and sent Merry a questioning look… but Merry shrugged and off they went once more.

Aragorn glanced behind her and noticed that the brunette, the one that Merry had just described, and another girl. The second girl looked SO familiar… but where from Arrie wasn't quite sure yet, so she took in the girl's features. She had obviously bleached her hair… many times, small brown eyes, and had been tanning… A LOT, and she looked so skinny that the wind might blow her over, honestly? How can you be like that? Then Arrie knew this girl… it practically slapped her in the face! Steph… what was her last name?… UGH Arrie moaned out loud without even realizing it…but she knew this Steph… HOOD! That was her last name! but this stupid, girl had been in her Basics class… ALL 4 FUCKING YEARS!! Now SHE had been a bitch and a half! Cunt waffle! So this is what the bitch did in her spare, non-fucking, time! She STALKED people! Isn't this just Great!

Merry quickened her pace and practically ran into the bathroom, ignoring Pippin's questions shouted at her as she passed by him. All through high school, Kelly had tried to steal Pippin from Merry, and that had been emotionally scarring enough on their relationship. She was nearly in tears when she remembered all of the nasty rumors Kelly had spread about her; how she cut herself, how even her own father--who she had lived with due to her mother's…instability--hated her so she tried to kill herself on multiple occasions….Truly, Merry hated this girl and feared her to the point of sickness.

Pippin: Merry! ….*looks at Aragorn pleadingly*

Aragorn: Don't worry Pip… I'll go get her

Pippin: I would myself cept she went to ONLY place I'm not allowed to follow… stupid women's bathroom

Aragorn was stopped by the arms that she loved when they wrapped around her waist and ALMOST sank into those strong arms…

Damn you Leggy. She turned around to face Legolas.

Aragorn: Leggy, I'll be right back… I have to go to Merry. *she looked up and planted a quick kiss on his soft lips*

Aragorn walked across the hall and into the bathroom where her best friend had just sheltered herself in a few seconds ago.

Aragorn: Merry? Merry hun? Merry, everything will be fine. Merry? Where are you?

Merry: second to last *she said between sobs and sniffles*

Aragorn walked down the line of stalls and stopped at the second to last door. She slid under the door easily, year of practice when the retard of a sister locked all of the stall doors in Wal-mart then left, Then stood and looked at her best friend. Merry's eyes were already red and puffy, as was her nose. Aragorn instantly felt sorrow fill her heart. She Hated it when Merry was in such pain. Aragorn pushed the tears from her own eyes as she wiped those falling from Merry's eyes.

Aragorn: It's okay honey, everything will be okay. Come here. *she grabbed Merry and softly huggled Merry*

Merry: *grabs back onto Aragorn, desperately clinging to her friend* Th-that gi-girl t-tortured me all th-through hi-high school,

Arrie…I don't want her to do it again.. Not when everything in life seems so right. *cries harder*

Aragorn: I know, darling, I know….*trails off, now slightly lost at what to say to her friend.*

Merry: W-worst y-yet…sh-she s-still w-wants P-p-pippin *starts breathing heavily, now unable to control her sobs* I c-can't d-deal with an-another c-competition. H-he almost e-ended up wi-with her last t-time, remember?

Aragorn searched through her mind, and almost instantly remembered the harsh trial that went on between Merry and Kelly over Pippin. Kelly had tried in every way to make Merry a horrible person in Pippin's eyes, and nearly succeeded until Merry went against every fiber of her being to tell the truth to Pippin about Kelly--that she was a backstabbing bitch--and confessed to him exactly how much she loved him. Pippin had then seen that Merry was right, especially when Kelly literally attacked her, and had defended his beloved fellow hobbit….and consequently fell extremely hard for her.

Aragorn: Yes, dear, but look at how much stronger your relationship is with him now, and how strong you were then to be able to confess to him what had happened.

Merry: *lip trembles as she looks up at Aragorn again*

Aragorn: *smiles* Now how about you go out there and give your man a big hug and a kiss? I think he's worried about you, dear.

Merry: *death-hugs Arrie* Thank you, Arrie. You're such a wonderful friend.

Aragorn: Yeah, yeah, it's not about me. It's about Pip.

Merry: He's a pig, so what?

Aragorn and Merry laugh.

Aragorn: Good to know you're feeling better.

Merry: I will once I explain things to Pippin, probably.

Aragorn: Good hobbit. ^^

Merry: ^^

Merry and Aragorn walked out of the bathroom together, Merry still had a few tears in her eyes, but said nothing about them as she ran up to Pippin and locked him in a hug--tighter than the one she gave to Aragorn previously. Pippin was also silent for once, and simply hugged her back. Merry stretched up on her toes and kissed him, then sank back down and snuggled into his chest. The moment was peaceful, until Legolas….

Legolas: PIPPIN! THEY HAVE M-D UP AHEAD!!!!

Pippin: MD?! FOR THE WIN!!! *both boys run off again…Pippin staying behind long enough to kiss Merry again*

Aragorn and Merry walked a bit behind the boys who were practically running after their 4th Mountain Dew, and the girls couldn't help but smile.

Aragorn: What a bunch of phail trucks hey?

Merry: yeah, but for some reason we love them. *sigh* I'm sorry that i broke down like that.... its not like me...

Aragorn: Don't hun.... don't be sorry. She is a bitch... you cant change that, and it was a normal reaction. so don't sweat it.

Merry: Thanks again Arrie!! *she turned and hugged her bestest friend then linked arms with her and continued to walk through the mall*


	3. Boys Will Be Children

Later in the Week...

Legolas was walking around the mall to find the calculator that he knew his Arrie wanted and would love. He was almost to the store

that he was looking for when the thing that he was hoping wouldn't be, was sure would happened. He spotted Steph in the Exact store that he was going to. Legolas cursed silently to himself but continued on to his destination as if he didn't see the slut. Sadly she did not do the same thing, apparently she had been waiting for him because as soon as Steph spotted Legolas she smiled and walked towards him.

Steph: Hey Leggy! I haven't seen you in like Forever!! How are you? are you alone? oh did you and whatshername break up? that's so sad.... I could help you get over her.

Steph was sure to say everything quickly in hopes of maybe confusing him into doing what she wanted him to do. Steph took a step forward, toward Legolas, and smiled her "you know you want me" smile and watched as she got the reaction she was looking for. "guess he isn't getting any good sex" Steph answered the question she had asked herself earlier that week. Steph slyly re-adjusted her shirt to show more of her breasts without making it obvious to others, and grinned at Legolas once more.

Legolas was dumbfounded. He had been expecting Steph to say something to him... like maybe ask him out again or something... but he did NOT think that she would try to seduce him... In The Middle Of A Mall!! IN BOSTON!!! Legolas had almost no control over his body, he felt his friend smile as Steph did. NO NO NO NO Legolas thought!.... well YELLED to himself. "Keep your cool, Man. You dont want her. HEY LITTLE LEGGY! NO stay down!! you don't like her! remember who makes you happy?? NOT This chick! NO Arrie! The woman who you are going to ask to marry you in less then one month!! YEA HER!!"

Legolas: Oh hi... um... Steph? *making her name a question had given the EXACT reaction he wanted... the "HE DOESNT REMEMBER ME!?!?" look came over Steph's face and took away from her fake beauty.* Yeah well i'm just here to buy a calculator, For my _girlfriend. _*Smiles* Well i'm sorry but i have to go and get it because my lunch break is almost over. It was nice to see you again.

Steph was pissed! She knew that he remembered her, but the fact that he was trying to hide his once growing erection showed that he knew her.

Steph: Oh alright. well i'll see you around then? Have fun with your... um... intelligent friend..

And with that Steph walked off, but not after looking him up and down, making sure that he saw her interest in him, and his "little" friend."

Legolas sighed when she was gone and quickly bought the calculator. "I Have GOT to talk to Pipp about this when i get home!". And with that Legolas went off to his loving girlfriend and soon to be Finace, or so he hoped.

Back at the apartment......

Pippin and Merry had spent their day off alone together, half-paying attention to the movie on the TV, but mostly going back and forth with teasing each other. However, Pippin could tell that there was something slightly off about Merry, and it worried him. He wanted to bring it up to her, but forced his concern down at least until the movie was over. He shut the TV off and pulled Merry onto his lap, nervously playing with her hair.

Merry: Pip, what's wrong?

Pippin: Actually, Merry, that's what I wanted to ask you.

Merry: What do you mean? I feel fine. *looks at him curiously, though she thinks she knows what he's trying to get at*

Pippin: I don't know...you just seem pretty off lately; like you're afraid of something. What was it that happened at the mall?

Merry: *sighs, knowing that she can no longer dodge the subject*When we were at the mall, I saw Kelly Ley, the girl that was a total cunt waffle to me in high school. I was afraid because I remember what happened *Pippin flinches* between the three of us...and it hurt a lot to remember that.

Pippin: *pulls Merry in closer to him*I know, but you don't have to be afraid anymore. I was weak back then. Weak and stupid. I love you, more than I've ever loved anyone or anything. Nothing's going to change that.

Merry: *death-grips onto her Pippin*I know...I just...*trails off, not knowing how to finish her own sentence*

Pippin: It's alright....I love you.

Merry: I love you, too...*kisses him*I'm sorry for panicking.

Pippin: Don't be. If the jackass that tried to steal you from me in high school suddenly showed up I probably would've done the same thing.

Merry: *giggles*Or attacked him.

Pippin: Silence, woman. *fake threatening voice*

Merry: Don't tell me what to do.

Pippin:.......Fiiiiiiiiine. Can I at least have 2nd breakfast?

Merry: You're such a pig. Fine. Go eat. *gets off of him and lets him go into the kitchen, moments later returning with an egg sandwich for him and two poptarts for her* You know me well, hun.

Pippin: I try ^^

Legolas pranced into the kitchen like the fag he is, with Aragorn closely behind him. It was clear that they had just like totally made-out cause Aragon's normally smooth, straight hair was completely disshelved.

Legolas: I'm hungry!!

Aragorn: as if that is anything new... NOT

Hearing the word "Food" Pippin had been all ears... he was now sitting up more with his head turned toward the kitchen

Pippin: YEAH ME TOO!

Merry: Shut up you Pigs!!

Legolas thinking he is funny decides to throw a banana at Pippin to see if would catch it.... he did... but it kinda squeezed out... and went all over the couch... and Merry and Aragorn who were Sitting on the couch.....

Pippin: um... uhoh?

Aragorn: DAMN STRAIGHT UHOH!! WHAT THE HELL DUDE!! I JUST FUCKING TOOK A SHOWER!! AND LOOK AT THE COUCH!!! YOU TWO ARE GUNNA BE FUCKING CLEANING IT UP!!

Legolas: *again trying to be funny* I call cleaning YOU up Arrie!! *GRINNS*

Aragorn: NO YOU DUMB BASTARD!!! I AM SOOO NOT IN THE MOOD! ugh..... *stands up and walks toward the now empty kitchen cause Leggy has fled to stand by Pippin... and Merry follows her good friend knowing that something good was gunna happen...*

Merry: what is our counter-attack?

Aragorn: *looks around the good sized kitchen... looking for the perfect weapon...* FOUND IT. *Whispers* Tacos... yeah... tacos... see how much Leggy likes them when they are FLYING AT HIS FACE!! *evil grins that Merry joins into*

Merry: yes... are you ready my dear?

Aragorn: Always am hun, always am

Merry and Aragorn both pick up about 4 tacos, 2 in each hand, and run to the door way.

The girls make eye contact before stepping into the opening, silently counting to 3 together... and on 3

Aragorn and Merry: FOOD FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *and begin throwing tacos at the stupid little boys*

2 and a half hours later the kitchen was TRASHED!!! there were tacos, bananas, a bit of ranch dressing, some jelly, half a loaf of bread.... now crumbs, and more things that were now un-identifiable...

Legolas and Pippin are still laughing on the floor covered in the jelly and tacos... that had been the female weapons...

Across the room Aragorn and Merry are giggling... uncontrollably. Both knew they should be PISSED that all of this food was wasted... but they couldn't stop laughing. they were covered in bananas, ranch, and bread crumbs from head to toe... what a mess

Aragorn: well *giggle* I think that the boys should *giggle* have to clean it up *pure laughter*

Pippin: WHAT NO!!! You started it!! I do what I want!!

Legolas *nods in agreement and fist bumps his buddy*

Merry: Technically.. you did Leggy, you threw the Banana... and you too Pip... cause you squished it

All 4 lay back in laughter, the girls cause they are picturing the boys like the Mr. Clean guy.... and the boys, very turned on, are picturing the girls in little French maid's outfits... licking the taco and jelly.... yum... ok lets NOT go porn on ya...


	4. You Two Are Such CHILDREN!

Alright, since I don't feel like getting emotional again, time for PUBLIC comic relief! (or humiliation if you're Aragorn and Merry).

Legolas: Merry, jump! *holds up his hand for a hi-five*

Merry: No. I don't wanna.

Legolas: *sigh*BUT I'M BORED!!!!!

Aragorn: Will you SHUT UP?!

Legolas: *whispers*I'm still bored....

Pippin: Then why don't we do something productive?

Merry: Yeah, we could go for a walk ^^

Pippin and Legolas: Effort........

Merry: OR we could still let you guys sit on your lazy asses and we could drive to the park since it's nice out.

Pippin: Shweet.

Legolas: I'm game.

Aragorn: As in THE game?

*everyone else* I JUST LOST THE GAME!

Aragorn: Cool.. Now let's go! ^^

Later at the park........

Pippin and Merry are laying side-by-side in the grass, enjoying the warmth of the sun, and nearby Legolas and Aragorn are chilling out on the bench. All four are talking idly to one another, enjoying the peace. Until, Legolas, being the little instigator that he is, decides to turn directly to Pippin...

Legolas: Hey, Pippin, your mom!

Pippin: YOUR MOM!

Legolas: YOUR MOM!!!!!

Merry: MY MOM! There! I win!!!!

Legolas and Pippin: Damn...

Legolas: How do you win all the time?

Merry: My mom's Lucifer, so I automatically win the your mom battle.

Pippin: But my mom's an old bitch...why don't I get to win?

Merry: Because you just fail, honey ^^

Aragorn: *looks at Legolas*Don't even think about laughing, dear, you're just as bad.

Legolas: *pouts for a minute, but then suddenly gets up and leaves, seeing an abandoned frisbee on the ground* PIPPIN! CATCH!!!

Pippin: WTF? *barely catches the frisbee*That's it! You're going DOWN, MOTHA FUCKA! *tosses the frisbee back*

Aragorn: Oh, god....what CHILDREN!

Legolas and Pippin are now engaged in an INTENSE frisbee battle, even bruising each other when they miss catches, and quite a few people are now surrounding them in curiosity.

Legolas: *tosses the frisbee one last, epic time back to Pippin, now exhausted*

Pippin: *ducks the frisbee, too lazy to catch it*....So now what?

Legolas: Hmmmm.....WRESTLING MATCH!!!!!

Merry: No! Boys! Quit being such children or you're going home!

Pippin: You're not my mommy....

Merry: But I could very easily fly her out here....

Pippin:.....*attacks Legolas anyway*

Aragorn: PIPPIN! LEGOLAS!!!

*girls are totally ignored as the boys beat each other up*

Finally, once they are FULLY exhausted, Pippin and Legolas give up, and simply lay again in the grass, too tired to move. Though they haven't quite stopped acting like the 2-YEAR-OLDS that they are. They're still making fake little insults, but have calmed down quite a bit.

Aragorn: *stands by Leggy*Remind me again why I love you?

Legolas: *looks up at her*I dunno. Can't help ya.

Aragorn: Of course not, dear....

Merry: *sits down next to Pip*You really are a six-year-old

Aragorn: And, you, Legolas, are a 4-year-old....

Pippin: I'M SIX-AND-A-HALF, GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!!!!!

Merry: *smacks him*Be quiet.

Pippin: Okay. ^^;;;;;;;;

Legolas: I'M FOUR-AND-A-HALF! GOD DAMMIT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aragorn: *puts her hand over his mouth, but he licks the palm, so she draws back quickly and smacks him*Leggy!!!! Pig!!!

Legolas: *laughs his skinny little ass off*

Pippin: Good one, Legolas ^^ *fists bumps him*

Aragorn: NO! Do NOT encourage his behavior!!!!

Pippin: Sorry. ^^;;;;;;;

Merry: *sigh*Why do we take you two out in public, again?

time to calm it down

Aragorn and Merry descided that they were going to have a movie night... plain and simple. Also they descided that the Boys were going to join them and they were Gunna like it.... ^^

Aragorn: Okay boys... we want to tell you that we are going to be having a Movie night! This means that The 4 of us will be in the Livingroom, around the TV, WATCHING THE MOVIE! There will be no Talking, sleeping, whinning, or anything along those lines.... Do you understand?

Pippin: Psht. I dont have to listen to you! IM A MAN!! I DO WHAT I WANT!! *nudges Legolas* Right man? We Do want we WANT!

Legolas: *Smiles at first. Then catches the glare of question on His girlfriend's face, and the smile is almost INSTANTLY gone* ummm.... i think i'll watch the movies... and follow the rules.... *Gives Aragorn a weak smile and is gifted with a big grin from the love of his life*

Merry: Dont Psht at her! Cause i agree with her! We are going to sit down and relax by watching a movie! THATS THAT DAMN IT!!

Pippin: Yes Mam.

Merry: THATS RIGHT!!

Aragorn and Legolas are laughing their asses off

Legolas: Alright well if we are gunna have ta watch these Movies with you.... can we know what movies they are?

Aragorn and Merry Look at eachother then say at the same time: LORD OF THE RINGS!!

Both boys huff... then plop in their respective places, both a bit frusterpated, but also happy that they get to snuggle....

Aragorn: Ready? we are gunna start with the first one and then work our way up... sound good Merry?

Merry: Sounds great

At this The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring was put into the DVD player and the movie began

10 minutes in....

Legolas: *WHISPERS* I'm bored...

Aragorn: What did i say about whining?

And that was that.... for about 30 minutes

Pippin: I'm Hungry *Didnt even whisper...*

Merry: SHUTUP!

Legolas: Yeah he has a good point... I'm hungry too

Aragorn: Fine! *pauses the movie* BUT Be quick!

The boys run out into the kitchen (smiling when they remembered earlier that week the EPIC food-fight that had taken place) and quickly made popcorn. By the time they made it back both girls were bored, tired, and PISSED that they were having to wait!

Aragorn: Did it take you long enough?

Legolas: well first we had to find the popcorn.... who put it in the cupboard above the Microwave? It is always by the fridge.... ANYWAYS then we burnt the first bag... had to make the other 4 and then find the seasoning... i LOVE this white chedder and Naco cheese mix!!

Pippin: yeah Then I had to melt the butter to put on top... Then pour the soda... cept the first glass got spilled cause LEGGY! bumped into me... so then we had to clean it up! and now we are here!

Legolas: That So wasnt my fault!! It was YOU! Butterfingers!!

Pippin: Yeah well I didnt Burn the fucking popcorn the first time!! Why IN HELL would you put it on for 10 fucking minutes!!?!?

Legolas: Well maybe i would have heard it finish if you hadnt picked a FUCKING FIGHT WITH ME!!

Aragorn: BOYS!! *Both boys ignore her and continue agruing*

Merry: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

*instant can of quiet*

Aragorn: NOW can we start the movie again? *Hears "Yeah what ever" and sees a head nod. Then pushes play*

It wasnt untill 20ish minutes into the next movie that there was another problem.... Stupid Fucking Legolas had fallen asleep.... and That was against the rules...

Aragorn: *shakes Legolas but all she get in return is a small snore* Damn you and your heavy sleeping, child. *Pauses the movie then askes Pippin to go get an icecube*

Pippin returns with the icecube and hands it to Aragorn. She then puts it down Legolas's shirt... then Pippin hands Aragorn a second icecube after the first has no effect... or at least no visible effect...

Aragorn gently pulls at Legolas's sleeping pants and drops the second icecube inside. That one did something. Legolas Jumped up after giving off a small yelp of surprise, saying something about NOT COOL then after Pippin replies with "well Actually" Legolas pushes Pippin, starting a bit of a fight.

The Girls knew better then to try to get them to stop, so they just let them get it out...

About 10ish minutes later the boys were laying on the floor (looking like they had the day before in the park), panting and sweating a bit

Aragorn: Are you two done now?

*Nods from both*

Merry: Then lets fucking Start the damn movie!!

The last of the second and all of the third movie went smoothly.... well apart from a

couple quick wake ups for the stupid little children.

Merry: Now wasn't that fun?

Pippin: No

Legolas: i agree with him

Aragorn: Really? Do ya now?

Legolas: No

Pippin: Pansy ass

Merry: Hu... what was that Dear?

Pippin: I said that it was SO much fun!!

Then they two couple said goodnight to each other and were off to bed...


	5. Finale?

Time for Drama….AGAIN ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;

Merry: *hit's the alarm clock as she gets up at her usual ridiculously early time to head to work*

Pippin: *shifts beside her* Is it really 5:30 already, Merry? *Voice is tired, showing that he's probably not fully awake at the moment, but at least aware*

Merry: Yeah, but you go back to sleep. You don't have to be up for another two or three hours, hun. *Kisses him on the lips and lets him roll back over almost immediately, his snoring starting up again soon afterwards. Merry watches him for a moment, then sighs and goes out into the kitchen to find Aragorn up*

Aragorn: Hey, honey.

Merry: No sleep for you either, huh?

Aragorn: No, but stupid LEGGY sure fell asleep fast!

Merry: So did stupid freaking PIPPIN! Do you have to work tonight?

Aragorn: Yeah, till ten. *Rolls eyes* Oh joy.

Merry: Alright. I'm off at 9:30, so I'll just walk over from the Hospital.

Aragorn: You're not driving to work, Dear?

Merry: Nah, I could use the exercise.

Aragorn: Hmmm… Maybe we'll just both walk today, then ^^

Merry: Alright, hun, you get back into bed and at least chill out. I'll see you tonight ^^

Aragorn: 

Merry: *finishes getting ready for work and steps out of the apartment, locking the door behind her. She gets to work for her shift at 7:00 with ten minutes to spare, and decides to get a glass of juice before heading into the catheterization lab for the grueling 14 ½ hours of work she's about to perform*

To Merry at work that day, everything seemed to have gone wrong. The machines weren't running correctly, first, then after those got fixed, a patient died on the table underneath her usually- precise hand, and by consequence she was the one who had to tell the family, who threatened to file a lawsuit against her for malpractice. She later consulted her supervisor and he said everything would be fine, and that made things slightly better. However, by the time 9:30 rolled around, she was exhausted, sore, and wanted nothing more than to just go home and cry on her beloved Pip's shoulder and shake the stress away. At last, Merry was able to punch out and she quickly got on the streets to meet Aragorn at her lab/office thingy.

Merry: *suddenly turns around, aware that someone is following her*

Kelly: *steps out of nowhere* Hello, Hobbit

Merry: Kelly…? What the fucking hell do you want? *tries to stand tall, though she is THOROUGHLY fatigued*

Kelly: Not much… 'cept your Boyfriend.

Merry: We've been through this before, though. Pippin doesn't love-- or even generally like-- you.

Kelly: And you think he does you?

Merry: *Opens mouth for response, but before she can answer Kelly bitch slaps her in the face*

Kelly: No, he doesn't. Which is why he'll come CRAWLING back to me once he sees that I'm so much better then you! *picks Merry up by the hair and slaps her again, starting to pummel the poor hobbit until she finally decides enough is enough* Now give up, Bitch! *Kicks Merry in the ribs one last time*

Merry: No….*tears in eyes*No, I love him.

Kelly: Too bad he doesn't you. *spits on her and hops in her car, driving away quickly*

* * *

Aragorn: *glances at her phone, irritated that it is 10:15 and her friend hasn't shown up* Where the FUCK is Merry!? If she got ice cream without me, I'm gunna -- *stops when she sees a figure limping up the pathway towards the building; she squints* Merry? *realizes that it IS Merry, quickly runs out the doors to catch her friend* Merry! What happened!?!

Merry *simply shakes and cries into Arrie's arms*

Aragorn: *comforts poor Merry and quickly whips out her cell to call Leggy for a ride*

Legolas: *arrives within ten minutes of the call and jumps out of his car*Arrie, what happened?!

Aragorn: I'm not sure, Leggy, she's not talking to me.

Legolas: *takes Merry out of Arrie's arms and helps her into the backseat*Dude, what happened?

Merry: *shakes her head at Legolas, who pauses for a minute, then shuts the door and goes back to Aragorn*

Legolas: *talks normally, knowing that Merry won't be able to hear him through the glass* Was she mugged or something?

Aragorn: Yeah, looks like it, but I don't know who did it.

Legolas: Either way, we're gonna have to bring it up to Pippin.

Aragorn: Crazy child! He'll go ballistic!

Legolas: He's gonna see the stupid marks anyway.

Aragorn: *whines*I hate it when you're right.

Legolas: Honestly, we don't even know if this really WAS a mugging or not… ugh… why wont she just tell us what the Hell happened.

Aragorn: Don't worry, dear. *pets his silky hair* She will tell us when she's ready… I just hope that she is ready soon…

Legolas: yeah… did she even tell Pippin that she was going to Walk around town at 10:00!! She must not have cause he SO wouldn't have let her.

Aragorn: *looks at the ground… the sky… the car… basically anywhere BUT Legolas's questioning eyes*

Legolas: Did she tell YOU?

Aragorn: *silent for a moment but knows that she will have to tell him sooner or later…* Well… umm… y-you see, Merry and I…. we walked to work this morning… cause we figured that we could use the exercise, b-b-but… well I guess we didn't really think about having to walk home… with it being so late and all… not to mention… I mean the Hospital isn't very far from here… just 3 or 4 blocks… *finally looks up at Legolas*

Legolas was really, truly, upset. "Why would they not think this through? Even Pip and I aren't stupid enough to walk ANY where at fucking 10 o'clock at night. These two are normally so level headed and smart, what were they thinking?" Legolas thought to himself.

Aragorn watched the look of shock and sadness cross Legolas's face… It hurt her… it hurt her more then she thought possible… "Why Didn't we think about this? Why would we be just so carefree? Maybe it was because we grew up in a stupid little hick town… never really having to worry about things like muggings and what not.. Maybe… but still that wasn't an excuse… Fuck my life." Aragorn scolded herself.

Meanwhile….

Pippin paced around the apartment anxiously. Legolas had gotten an "emergency call" from Arrie, but for what he hadn't been told…then again, neither had Legolas, probably. Either way, he was extremely worried, and couldn't seem to hold still for more than a few seconds. (because that's something new :p). Anyway; Pippin started to actually become afraid when the clock hit 10:45 and Legolas still hadn't returned. He attempted to dial at least Merry's number a few times, but she wasn't answering her phone, which was very unlike her, even if it was on vibrate. At last, he dialed Legolas' number, but again, no answer. Finally, he dialed Aragorn's number, and was relieved when she answered.

Aragorn: Pip?

Pippin: Yeah…where the hell are you guys?

Aragorn: We're on our way home, hun, don't worry.

Pippin: Why won't Merry answer her phone?

Aragorn:…..You'll know when we get there, dear. Just try to sit back and relax.

Pippin: WTF?! What kind of advice is that?!!!

Aragorn: Relax, dear. I'll explain everything. *hangs up before Pippin can get too pissy*

Pippin: *swears loudly and also hangs up*What the FUCK is going on?!!!!

Merry: Arrie, was that Pip?

Aragorn: *jumps at Merry's voice*Yes, dear…he's very worried.

Merry: *sinks back into silence*

Legolas: Merry….really, you can tell us what happened….or at least give a name.

Merry: *Thinks about this for a long moment, and just as Legolas is about to give up*Kelly.

Aragorn: ……..*clenches teeth together to keep from getting TOO angry*That. Bitch. Will. Die.

Legolas: Cunt waffle. What a bitch and a half

Pippin was PIISSSSED when the 3 got home and Merry wouldn't say anything to him… all she did was cry… and sleep… but even the sleeping didn't last long because her nightmares would wake her up almost instantly…

Meanwhile…

Aragorn was worried… what if Steph tried the same shit with her? What if the bitch was stronger then she looked… Aragorn was tormented with the thoughts and ideas that Legolas would end up liking the girl… Aragorn did a good job at keeping it to herself… intill the night that she had the SCARY AS FUCK nightmare…

Aragorn: *woke from her fitful sleep*

Legolas had been watching his love toss and turn in her sleep… he knew that she had a lot of nightmares… but compared to this those were nothing. At last Aragorn awoke by herself. Legolas knew what it was about… as always she had been talking in her sleep… the few things he caught weren't good. They were things like "No, Steph… he's mine… he loves me" and "B-b-b-but Leggy… you said you loved me? I thought you meant it?" He decided to talk to her about it when she was more awake… but to his dismay that wasn't going to be in the morning… because she sat up and looked at him with totally aware eyes.

Legolas: Did you have a bad dream?

Aragorn: *looks away* yeah…

Legolas: You should talk about it… that's what normally helps, Doesn't it?

Aragorn: yeah… but I doubt that it will do much good this time…

Legolas: Give it a shot, Dear.

Aragorn goes on for about 10 minutes describing her dream. In her dream Steph was chasing her and yelling things about how much more Leggy cared for her then Arrie… the chase went on for about 2 miles before Steph caught up with Arrie and started beating the living SHIT out of her… Arrie had woken up right as the Bitch had said that she was going to get rid of Arrie if it was the last thing she did! Legolas now understood why she had been so keen to stay awake… those dreams must have been in the front of her mind for weeks.

Legolas: Don't worry, I have taken care of Steph *he said the name like the word burned his mouth as he said it. It was as if it was a cuss that even HE wouldn't say… and that had to be bad* I love you *He planted a soft kiss on her lips*

Aragorn: I know…I just don't want to happen to me what happened to Merry…and I just don't want you to go through what poor Pippin's going through. He's suffering as much as she is, you know.

Legolas: I understand, that, too, love. I really do. *pulls her close and she snuggles into his chest*

Aragorn: I'm just so happy we haven't experienced anything even CLOSE to that…. I'm not sure that I could stand to see you hurt.. Because of me… even if it is in a round-about way… I love you too much.

Legolas: Think about THIS… think about how Pippin feels… he is honestly the reason why Merry was hurt to begin with… he feels like TOTAL shit I'm sure… well at least he will when he finds out what happened… *sighs* I just don't understand why she wont tell anyone what happened… I mean… honestly? Its worst not knowing…

Aragorn: Yeah… but I also see where she's coming from. If Pip knew that it was Kelly, he would kill the bitch… just straight up kill her.

Legolas: Good point. I would too… if someone hurt you… I would probably kill them. *Looks around… up, down, all around… anywhere but at Arrie*

Aragorn: *Can feel the awkward* What's up?

Legolas: well… um… its just that… ya see.. Ugh… I don't know where to start.

Aragorn: Hu… lets think about this… THE BEGINNING! What's Up?

Legolas: Okay, Okay I get it! You're wearing the pants! *Looks down to see that the statement is true… she is wearing PJ pants and he is only wearing Boxers… damn irony* Ok so I didn't tell you, but last year Steph asked me out… after she had been following me around and what not *trys to not see the look of frustration on Arrie's beautiful face* BUT I didn't want to worry you. So I didn't tell you. Anyways… well when I saw her at the mall I figured that she would confront me about a relationship again, but she didn't. *hates the way that he had to take a breath at this moment because there is a look of relief on the young woman's face* She didn't ask me out, she tried to get me in bed with her. *Again a look of utter FURY comes across Aragorn's face* HEY HEY HEY!! What do you take me for woman? I didn't fucking… well Fuck her. I told her to go away. Kinda. Well I figured you should know. Just remember that I didn't tell you earlier because I didn't want to worry you… I was ONLY THINKING ABOUT YOU!

Aragorn: Shut the hell up! There are others trying to fucking sleep… and I suppose I understand… but I'm still kinda pissed off… but thank you for putting my feelings first… next time though. You come first.

Legolas: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

Aragorn: *EPIC GIBBS SLAP!* Shut up! Dumbass *Whispered* I love you thought! *Looks up into Legolas's eyes and Kisses him… softly at first, then more passionately.*

Legolas: Don't ever forget that I love you more.

*Over on the Hobbit Hole side of the apartment, about midmorning-ish…..*

Merry and Pippin are both silently getting ready for work. Over the past week since the incident, there has been very little communication between the two of them. Pippin from not knowing what to say to Merry, and Merry afraid to speak a word to Pippin, knowing that the details of what happened to her will immediately roll off her tongue. She hated to see him so upset, and it would only worsen if he knew what happened. Merry finishes first, as she has to be to work earlier than her beloved. She stretches up on her toes and kisses him, muttering a quick "I love you" before heading out the door. Pippin watches after her, unable to make a reply come out of his own mouth. Sighing, he goes out into the living room and plops down for a little bit on the couch, lost deep in thought.

After a short time, Legolas came out of the bedroom he shares with Aragorn and sat down next to Pippin. He shut off the TV for his buddy, who at first looked at him irritably, then questioningly and they turned to see each other better. Legolas looked down at the floor for a second, then cleared his throat to speak.

Legolas: Look, Pip, there's something you need to know. *voice is quiet, as to not disturb the now-peacefully sleeping Aragorn*

Pippin: What is it, man?

Legolas: Sunday night when Merry was on her way to pick Aragorn up from work so they could walk home together, Merry was attacked.

Pippin: Yeah, I got that. It was fricken stupid of them, too.

Legolas: It was, and they've both admitted it. But there's something about Merry's attack that you don't know.

Pippin:….What?

Legolas: It was Kelly who attacked Merry.

Pippin: *eyes widen*…..WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?! WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T SHE TELL ME IF IT WAS KELLY????!!!! I'M GONNA KILL THE STUPID ANOREXIC CUNT WAFFLE BITCH!!!!!!!!!

Legolas: …That's probably why. *looks up to see a VERY displeased Arrie walk out of the bedroom* And thanks for waking up Arrie.

Aragorn: What. The. HELL HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT YELLING WHEN I'M TRYING TO SLEEP, DUMBASSES?!!!!!

Both boys: *look down*Sorry….

Aragorn: Whatever. Leggy, did you tell Pip?

Legolas: What do you think the yelling was for?

Aragorn: Don't be a sassy brat with me.

Legolas: Sorry.

Pippin: *is still fuming on the couch, fists curled tightly so that his knuckles are as white as they can get for him….stupid Ruskie*

Aragorn: Pippin, you know that you need to calm down before you can act rationally…right?

Pippin: There's no more room for rational, Aragorn. *voice is absolutely FURIOUS*

Aragorn: Pip….you calm down.

Legolas: Yeah, man, take a pill or something. Honestly, you and I both know it'd be bad for you to do something you'll only end up regretting.

Pippin: *takes a deep breath and holds it for a minute before letting it out slowly*

Aragorn: Relax, hun. Getting angry won't make things any better.

Pippin: True, true.

Kelly: Man, oh man did I show that cunt-like- Hobbit. Slapped her I the fucking face! *replayed the scene ONCE MORE using a bit of air in place of Merry*

Steph: Yeah yeah yeah. You have only told me this like… I don't know, I MILLION FUCKING TIMES!! I get it! But I did what you didn't have the balls to do, I talked to the man. What now Bitch? Oh and did I mention that his "Little friend" was liking me quite a bit, and when I say little I'm not referring to the size.

Kelly: When did you talk to Legolas?

Steph: like a week a ago, my GOD you're such a self-absorbed bitch.

Kelly: yet for some reason you love me.

Steph: Whatever. *both her and Kelly look up at the same time, intentionally turning to the TV in the waiting room, but…..*

Merry, realizing she is late for work, is practically rushing through the halls of the hospital, hardly noticing the two preppies as she passes by them in the waiting room on the STD-testing floor ^_~.

Kelly: Speaking of the helpless, pathetic, SHORT, bitch… there she is.

Steph: Damn girl! You bruised her up pretty bad. *Hi-5's*

Merry: *whips around at the sound of Kelly's OBNOXIOUS voice*Fuck you, Kelly. You're nothing but a low-life cunt waffle who can't get any good sex, anyway, which is why you're on the floor for STD TESTING. Having too much fun sleeping around with other men, since we can't get ONE STABLE one, huh?

Kelly: *DEATH GLARES AT THE DAMN HOBBIT!!* Hu, nice black eye bitch! What happened? Loose a fight with your fellow Hobbit over an Amazingly hot chick that can give him what he really wants?

Merry: Well, I wouldn't call her amazingly hot…..she's actually pretty ugly.

Steph: *cant help but Giggle*

Kelly: *Turns on Steph* What? You think she's funny? Wanna look like her? *Steph shuts up* That's what I thought.

Merry: Aww, poor Kelly, Have to threaten your own "Friends"? Now that's just pathetic.

INTERCOM: *Merry Brandybuck to the Cardiac Ward please… NOW*

Merry: *mutters* coming mother.

Kelly: You heard the woman… NOW

Merry: I'm sorry, but at least I don't have to sleep around for money… oh wait did your girlfriend not know about that?

Kelly: FUCK YOU.

Merry: Sorry but I'm straight… er then you… Good bye Bitch!! *walks away*

Legolas was Bored… as was Pippin. Aragorn had long since gone to work, and had left them alone, with nothing to do. Damn her.

Pippin: So…

Legolas: what do you wanna do?

Pippin: How should I know?

Legolas: You're the older one… you decide…

Pippin: …..Got some balloons?

Legolas: Yeah, bottom drawer of my dresser.

Pippin: *grins and goes into the bedroom, moments later coming out with two armfuls of water balloons*

Legolas: *immediately sits up and begins to set up the water balloons like a dodge ball court*

Pippin: Ready? On three. 1.…2.…3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Legolas and Pippin engage in an INTENSE water balloon fight, lasting for a good twenty minutes until they collapse on the SOAKED living room carpet, exhausted and laughing their skinny little asses off.

Legolas: So who's gonna clean this up? *between snickers*

Pippin: You.

Legolas: NO!!!!! WTF?! YOU STARTED IT!!!!

Pippin: *holds out the box with Arrie's engagement ring in it* Did I?

Legolas:…..YOU'RE AN ASS!!!!

Pippin: You get it back if you clean up for me ^^

Legolas: JERK!!!! I'M TELLING ARRIE!!!!

Pippin: And lose the element of surprise? That's REALLY unfair to her.

Legolas:….FIIIIIIIIINE. But I get Merry's engagement ring as a fair trade.

Pippin: Fine. It's under the mattress.

Legolas: *runs to go get it*Deal's a deal. You keep mine secret if I keep yours secret.

The boys look at the rings they picked out, complimenting each other on the beautiful choices.

Pippin: I feel like I have seen this design before… where from?

Legolas: *Blushes a bit* I had it designed to match the necklace that I bought her for our first Christmas. They go nicely together… but I almost wasn't able to take the necklace into the shop cause she like NEVER takes it off! I got it by telling her one day that it needed to be cleaned… she wanted to fucking come with me to make sure that nothing happened to it! I was like WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!?!? Honestly? What am I gunna do to something that I gave her? But anyways, yeah I got it away from her… and then had the ring designed… what about your's?

Pippin: Well, I…WAIT. How the HELL did you know about Merry's engagement ring before I even TOLD you about it?!?!?!

Legolas:…Not important ^^;;;; *prances away*

Pippin: NO! GET BACK HERE! *chases after Legolas and before he can actually get into the safety of his bedroom, he tackles the stupid fag*

Legolas: Hey!!! Leggo!!!!!!

Pippin: How'd you find out, FAG?!

Legolas: NOT TELLING! NOW GET OFF!!!

Pippin: NO! TELL ME HOW THE HELL YOU FOUND OUT!

Legolas: GET OFF, FIRST!

Pippin: SPILL, FIRST!

Legolas: YOU!

Pippin: YOU FUCKING INFINITY!!!!! TIMES 10!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Legolas: FINE!!!! *rolls out from underneath*…..I snooped… see… well its kinda embarrassing… but really? Why would you put the ring in the CONDOM BOX!! that's like… not cool..

Pippin: well I figured nobody would ever look there!…I mean ITS MY CONDOM BOX!! *Hears Neighbor pound on the living room wall and yell "SHUT THE BLOODY HELL UP! WE DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE!"* DO TO!! CAUSE I HAVE WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAY MORE OF ONE THEN YOU DO!! FAG! *the yeller replied "THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING HOMOSEXUAL!!"* SORRY!!!

Legolas: *GIGGLES*

Pippin: so let me get this straight? You… needed condoms… so you went into MY BEDROOM instead of going down the fucking street to BUY some?

Legolas: well I would have gone to buy some… 'cept I didn't have any moneys…*blushes*

Pippin: Wow you really ARE a FAG AND A HALF!!

Legolas: Well if I needed condoms… that kinda implies that I was having sex… and butt sex is just icky!

Pippin: 

*LAUGHTER ECHOS THROUGH THE APARTMENT*

At that moment The girls both walk into the entry.

Aragorn: Hey Honey! How was yo- WHAT THE FUCKING HELL HAPPENED TO THE LIVING ROOM!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Merry: WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?! HAVE A PISSING CONTEST OR SOMETHING?

Pippin: No… we just got bored…

Legolas: AND THIS TIME HE STARTED IT!!!!!!!!!!

Pippin: They were YOUR balloons!!

Aragorn: I THOUGHT I CONFISCATED ALL OF THOSE DAMN THINGS!?!?!?

Legolas:… well… no… I hid some…

Aragorn: *GLARES… then GIBBS SLAPS THE STUPID ELF!!!*

Pippin: yeah… along with other things…

Legolas:*turns and GLARES at Pippin… then makes sure that the Male Hobbit sees his grip change in his pocket… then Grins*

Pippin: *Turns pale…ish…* You wouldn't…

Legolas: *Evil grin* You know I would.

Pippin: Fine… *rolls eyes*

Aragorn and Merry look at each other with the "WTF" question in their eyes… then shrug cause they know its no use… stupid Children… oh what they don't know…

Later that night… after the flood people had come to fix the living room… which the boys had to pay for… WITH THEIR PLAY DATE MONEY!

Aragorn: *Laying semi-spread eagle… trying her hardest to take up as much of the king sized bed as she could said to Legolas who was in the Bathroom in their room (cause they have the master)* What's taking you so long?… I wanna snuggle

Legolas: *mumbles…sort of under his breath but loud enough for Aragorn to hear* I want more then just stupid "Snuggling"… I work all DAMN day… and what do I get? Nothing…

Aragorn: Stop being such a sassy brat!! And I work longer hours then you do! And you get lots of things… LIKE FUCKING FOOD!!

Legolas: I would like more of that last sentence… minus the food part… *huffs*

Aragorn: Grow Up… you stupid little 4 year old

Legolas: *Walks out of the bathroom and sees her spread out on the bed…enjoying his pervish thoughts for a second before he replys* I AM 4 AND A HALF!!!!!!!!

Aragorn: Sure you are hun… sure you are… So… what was all that about having something other then the balloons hidden?… what was Pippin talking about?

Legolas: *Lying horribly…* No clue

Aragorn: and then it was if you had a hold of his balls there at the end… what was that about?

Legolas: Nothing dear, Nothing that you need to worry about yet… maybe we will talk about it on… hu… the 25th?

Aragorn:*Ear's perk up a bit at the mention of that date… it was going to be their 8 year anniversary… Damn.. Was it really already 8 years? Oh well* What about the 25th? What is happening then? Is that date supposed to mean something to me? *She said her voice dripping with such sarcasm that even her dumbass caught it…*

Legolas: Nope… just some random day that I picked… J

Aragorn: Well, in that case *She rolls over onto her side of the bed… giving up the fight before it even started… well so she hoped*

Legolas wasn't going to let her get away with her crap so easily… He hopped on the bed and over to her and began Tickling her fearlessly… knowing that he would pay for it later… but not really caring.

After about 15 minutes of pure laughter, Legolas gave up and wrapped Aragorn into his grip.

Legolas: I love you *whispered in her ear (being truly quite for once), then his lips kissed her forehead softly, then down to the tip of her nose, and then reaching their destination… her lips. Legolas Kissed her with as much love and passion as he could until they had to break for breath*

Aragorn: *Pants a bit… still trying to recover the oxygen that she hadn't been able to get through the kiss* I love you more! 3

Merry is sitting on the end of the queen-sized bed she shares with Pippin, staring down at the ground as she waits for HIS lazy ass to finish up in the bathroom on the opposite side of the hall as their bedroom. She's worried that she's losing some connection with her Hobbit-man, but is somehow remaining very calm about the situation. After a moment or two, Pippin returned from the bathroom and stood in front of Merry. They looked at each other for a moment, saying nothing, then Pippin leaned down in front of her.

Pippin: *looks away for a moment, then looks back at her*Legolas told me about what happened on Sunday night.

Merry: ….Je--

Pippin: No, no insulting. Look, Merry, what happened was very serious. Why didn't you just tell me?

Merry: I was afraid of how you'd react.

Pippin: Merry, love, why would you worry about something like that? Of course I'd be angry. Would you expect me to laugh? I'd hope not.

Merry: So would I….

Pippin: Hey, play nice to a poor Hobbit. But, look, you really should've just told me.

Merry: I know, Pippin, and I'm sorry….I know it's the worst thing for me to say now, but it's all I've got to say. I'm sorry.

Pippin: *takes Merry's hands in his, but says nothing*

Merry: I love you, Pip *frees her hands and wraps her arms around his neck, kissing him for REAL for the first time in, like, a little under a week*

Pippin: *finally breaks away from the kiss*I love you, too, Merry. Never forget that.

Merry: I'd be stupid to even try to, I guess.

Pippin: You guess?

Merry: Well I'm certainly not gonna admit that you're right.

Pippin: Damn you, woman.

Merry: *giggles and lightly kisses his cheek* I win again, Pip ^^

Pippin: Fiiiiiiiiiine. But I get to take you out on the 18th to show you how much I REALLY win.

Merry: Is that so, dear?

Pippin: Yup! ^^ *grins, thinking of the engagement ring Legolas has hidden away*

And all is well again ^^ FINALLY. Damn emotional-baggage hobbit that Merry is.

END OF STORY. EVERYONE LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER….BIG SURPRISE. FAIL.

Aragorn Gondor shall soon become Aragorn Greenleaf, married happily to her Legolas Greenleaf.

Merry Brandybuck shall soon become Merry Took, married happily to her Pippin Took.

Shit works out, huh?


End file.
